You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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