Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
