awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
