i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
