Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize