I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
