the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
