I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
