Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
