im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
