It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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