is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
