Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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