dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
