Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize