We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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