I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
