glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
