Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
