So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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