My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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