if only i could text you this smell
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
