So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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