CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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