Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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