just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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