Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
