You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
