i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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