I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
