Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
