she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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