before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
