Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
