i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
