we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
