If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
