My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
