Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
