What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize