life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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