is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
