A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
