I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
