is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Operation Purity has been aborted
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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