just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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