Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
