Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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