so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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