OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
