So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
