dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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