I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
