I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
