he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She bit a glass in half.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
