the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
zippers are such a cool invention
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
