I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
