you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
