Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize