The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
