Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
