you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
