do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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