Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
