During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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