happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
