Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
