Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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