Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
