Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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