I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
