I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
