I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
