First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The uberlube is also flammable
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
