Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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