I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
